You Aren't Hurting Their Feelings
- Jason

- Aug 28, 2023
- 2 min read
Updated: Dec 2, 2023
I have this conversation multiple times a year with families and athletes. They are going through the recruiting process, have a couple of offers and are close to making a decision. One of the things that is holding the athlete back from making a decision is that they are worried about how their decision is going to affect the coaching staff they are telling "no". They are worried about hurting the feelings of a college coach.
You aren't. I know sometimes it feels that way. It's honestly a good thing if it does, because it means that you were really invested in the process and were really bought into the coach and their program. But you aren't upsetting them. You aren't making them mad. They won't hate you.
One thing that athletes and parents need to remember is that these college coaches are professionals. You are going through this process once. The majority of the college coaches you are talking to have gone through this process with 100s of athletes. They have been told "no" dozens of times. Is it difficult to choose one school over the other? Yes. Is that coach going to be bummed? Sure! They like you and they wanted you to come to their school! They will be bummed! But it's not personal. They understand that.
Yes, athletes are making a decision based on culture, community and personality fit. It's also a business decision. Being worried about YOUR decision and how that impacts other people, shouldn't be a factor; especially the impact on other college coaches. It's perfectly fine to like other college coaches, even if you make a decision to go somewhere else.
Once you go play in college, those other coaches you said "no" to will still remember you. They will most likely say HI to you and ask you how things are going. They will still give you a high-5 after you play them and they will most likely even say hi to your parents if they see them. Volleyball is a small community of people.
You're making a big decision. Everyone understands that. Try not to get bogged down with things like the feelings of other coaches. The majority of college coaches will be happy for you. Then, they will call the next athlete on their list. They will move on. They will sleep just fine that night.
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